Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Tue Jan 10, 2006 at 05:56:20 pm EST
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More Trials & Tribulations: a STL tie-in to the Untold Tales 247, 248 & 249.
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The Groups disappears & a couple rough minutes later, the C-Classer's are spit out on to the playing field. Once they had all landed they soon knew it to be a swamp.

"Where the hell are we?" James Milton, otherwise known as Billy Goat, said.

"In a swamp, apparently." Betty Marsh, otherwise known as Teen Avenger, said.

"Why?"

"Well, if you had actually read any of the information on this Mission: you would know that the Observing Eye sends all their Combatants to some tropic local."

"So, we get a swamp?" Billy Goat asks.

"Uh.. Guys! I think we should get to dry land." Oswald Vanderhoosy, otherwise known as The Human Zamboni, said.

"Why?" Billy Goat snapped at his fellow teammate.

"We're sinking."

This prompted the group to notice that they were in fact sinking into the murky water below them.

"Ok. We'll finnish this argument later." Teen Avenger said.

Then, the group trudged through the water over to a small spit of land. As they sat their, wondering what to do next: They heard it.

"What was that?" Human Zamboni asked.

"It sounded like a pig." Billy Goat replied.

The sound came again.

"No. It's more bird like." He corrected himself.

Then, coming into view over the lichen covered trees came a porcine creature with leathery wings. The creature made it's noise again.

"It's a flying pig!" Ben Hermes, otherwise known as Semi-Transparent Lad, said with some distress.

"Now, I really want to know where am I?" Billy Goat asked.

As the cliché come to life flew towards them, they noticed that it could actually kill them. It was huge & had sharp teeth.

“Everybody! Defense Formation Fourteen!” called out Teen Avenger as she stood up & then adopting a battle crouch with focussed vigilance.

“Um, which was that one again?” asked Billy Goat, not sure which one it was.

“I think it was the triangle shaped one,” offered the Human Zamboni, but he wasn't sure either.

“Does it have a designated person for pulling people out of quicksand? Because if so I vote for that one.” Semi-Transparent Lad asked as he continued to sink into the ground.

Lance Jones, AKA Psi-Lance, sighed. "Don't struggle. I'll have you out in a minute." He said as he pulled his teammate out of the quicksand.

"Thanks." Semi-Transparent Lad said.

"No problem." Psi-Lance replied

Then, the two of them got into their battle ready positions. As they prepared for the flying pork to attack, the group started to sniff around.

"Dude! What smells?" Billy Goat asked.

"I think it's the quicksand!" Semi-Transparent Lad offered, as he stood there dripping.

"It might be. But, we have bigger things to worry about!" Teen Avenger said.

The Pig flew down towards them & The Masked Muskrat threw his Muskarang at it. It caught & as the Pig flew around trapped, the rope connected to the Muskarang began to wrap it self around the little porker. As that happened the pig got closer & closer to the ground.

"Morty! That wasn't Defense Formation 14!" Teen Avenger said, a little pissed at her teammate.

"It wasn't? Sorry. But, it did stop the pig from attacking us, didn't it?"

Their were nods around the group. As the Masked Muskrat, Billy Goat & Semi-Transparent Lad tied the Pig to the tree, Dreama got a little weak after coming into contact with a few of the plant life.

Teen Avenger noticed that & asked. "What's a matter, Dreama?"

Dreama said, trying to fight back her breakfast. "This place... is.. mystically active." Then, she leaned over a fallen log & blew chunks. After that, she continued “There’s great power here, waiting to be awoken.”

"Let's not awake it up, ok?" The Human Zamboni said weakly.

"Dreama, can you sense where these mystic forces are hottest?” asked Teen Avenger, taking control of the situation.

Dreama concentrated for a moment trying to get a reading. “It could possibly be over in those ruins?” she shrugged. She might have been able to get a better reading if she didn't feel like throwing up again or if she had some of her equipment.

"The OotOE might have left some of those coins in them?" Billy Goat suggested.

"Or it could be a trap?" The Masked Muskrat mused.

“Why don’t we send Semi-Transparent Lad in there to check it out?” suggested Dreama Gardner.

“Good idea,” agreed Teen Avenger. “With his stealth abilities, he’s the least likely to…”

“Well, I was just thinking if he died, it wouldn't be a complete lose to the group. But your idea is good, too!” Dreama explained.

"Great!" Semi-Transparent Lad thought as he looked over at the ruins.

"Well! Get to it, Inviso-Boy!" Billy Goat said as he slapped Semi-Transparent Lad on the butt.

This caused him to move towards the ruins.

-------------------

Semi-Transparent Lad wonders around the ruins looking for anything that may help get out of this situation. It was at these time that he wished he had never joined the FMRC. He was fine with his non-active life: Get up, go to work, deal with a few jerks, get paid, go home & watch some TV. But, no! He had to go & join some government group that sends out it's people to die.

As he continued his walk & contemplation of his life: the ground began to move & out the ground came skeletons. These were just your garden variety skeletons. These one's were alive (or as a alive a skeleton can be) & were carrying swords. This zombie skeletons started to follow Semi-Transparent Lad. It wasn't until a few minutes later when one of the skeletons tapped him on his shoulder that he knew that were there.

What ensued was a Scooby-Doo cartoon like chase scene which involved run in's with electro-scorpions, killer starfish & teleport-leeches which lead Semi-Transparent Lad to hide in a one of the ruins (all while still being chased by the Skeletons). Ben pushed the door shut to keep out the skeletons. In closing the door, he broke off a few of the skeleton's arms. So, he had to fight them off until they stopped moving.

He sat down think about his exit strategy when he saw them: a bag of coins. They were on a stone pedestal. As he walked over to it, he felt like he had seen this before. As Ben lifted up the bag, the pedestal started to reseed into the floor.

"Crap!" Semi-Transparent Lad yelled & that exclamation echoed for a bit. This prompted more running.

Minutes later, Semi-Transparent Lad found a doorway which sadly lead him back out to the zombie skeletons. But, Ben didn't need to fight them off because his group came to his rescue. After the defeat of the skeletons, Semi-Transparent Lad asked "What are you guys doing here?"

Betty Marsh, aka The Teen Avenger, said "We were worried."

Billy Goat said "We were? I thought were looking for the coins & using Inviso-Boy as a distraction?"

Teen Avenger shot him a evil look.

"Thanks for caring, guys." Semi-Transparent Lad said sarcastically. "But, I did find these!" he said as he held up the bag.

"Score!" Billy Goat said.

-------------------

A few minutes later, back at the C-Classer's swampy Base Camp.

“Okay, so the ruins were a bad idea,” admitted Billy Goat. As Teen Avenger bandaged the Masked Muskrat up, who had found out that Flying Pig's bite & bite hard.

“Ancient ruins are pretty much always a bad idea,” The Human Zamboni said. "That's the way it is in Movies, Books, Video Games, Cartoons, Comic Books. Pretty much everywhere. It should be printed in a rulebook somewhere that Tropical Locals that aren't Beaches are bad.”

“There are many forces at work on this island,” Dreama Garner pointed out.

"Were on an island?" Billy Goat said.

"Yes." Dreama said, rolled her eyes & then continued on with her previous thought. "Some of these forces demand blood." She then glanced over at Ben Hermes, Semi-Transparent Lad.

"Why are you looking at me?" Ben asked.

"No reason" was the reply.

“Well, Guys." Teen Avenger said, changing the subject. "That was tough but, at least, we picked up some coins.”

“I sure hope Mr Summers was watching us. We totally rocked!” Billy Goat said, a little full of himself.

“We partially rocked,” the Teen Avenger conceded. “We did rock more then when we usually do on a training mission. But, we could rock even more if people could keep a tighter formation.”

“You know what I like? I like formations that don’t depend on me as bait for the monsters,” STL admitted. “Call me old fashioned, but…”

Before he could finnish his smarmy comment, the group & everything else went pitch black.

“Uh... Guys?” the Human Zamboni called out as he felt around for anyone. He found no one.

“Guys, Stay loose!” warned Teen Avenger. “It could be an attack!”

"What else could it be? We all just didn't go blind!" Billy Goat called back.

“This not true darkness,” warned the voice of Drema Gardner. "It is a illusion, a psychic phantasm caused by…” Then there was a tiny chink of metal, a dull thump & she fell silent.

“What just happened?” Human Zamboni asked, a bit scared.

“Let’s get out of here!” Billy Goat said & then start to run off.

“NO! Don’t break formation,” Teen Avenger stressed. “They can't hurt us if we're in formation. We have to…” There was a phutting noise like a discharge from an air rifle and Betty Marsh fell silent, too.

"Ah Crap!" came the voice of Billy Goat. "I'm getting out of here!"

“Wait! I think I can get out of here, guys,” called the Masked Muskrat to the rest of the team. He then took a step & said “Eew. I think I found another swamp.” But, It wasn’t a swamp & Morty will soon wish it was.

As soon as the darkness had clamped down on the group, Ben Hermes had instinctively gone Semi-Transparent. He couldn't see that, but felt it. Now, he was crawling as quickly as he could through the undergrowth. He was hoping to out-distance the darkness. Sure enough, a few minutes later he found himself outside the thick black sphere of shadow. He then started to look around & there they were! Their attackers were watching the FMRC’s troubles with apparent amusement. Ben then recognized them, from the briefing materials he briefly flipped though the day before, as being Young Heckfire.

Ben Hermes had to decide what to do. His instincts were telling him to stay hidden and crawl away from these people & maybe say Yield, so he could leave. But, on the other hand he was supposed to be part of a team. He was supposed to be a hero & Heroes do things that do make that much sense sometimes. This was going to be one of those times. "Dammit,” he muttered under his breath.

It appeared that all the Young Heckfirians (or whatever they collectively called themselves) seemed able to see through the darkness just fine. Ben saw the Bird Girl take aim and fired another shot & Billy Goat was down for the count.

“Uh.. Guys, I think I’m stuck!” called out Morty to anyone listening. “Guys? Anyone?”

Ben had to do something, but what? Then, Ben remembered that the hot chick in the black corset was an illusion generator. For some reason: he’d taken more notice of her then the rest when he was briefed on the rest of the teams. She was crippling his team, so he only had one choice. He crept up behind her and pinched, pinched her hard.

“Eeeek!” Black Princess squeaked, leaping forward. Her illusion wavered, and suddenly Psi-Lance and Masked Muskrat could see the enemy & most of their teammates laying on the ground.

“Something pinched my bottom!” complained Stacy Royale.

“That’d probably be that Semi-Transparent kid,” suggested Denial, doing a quick head count. “But, He’s not invisible now though.”

Ben realized that he’d gone opaque when Alpha Dude picked him up and hurled him fifty feet. Ben hit hard and was a bit stunned.

“There they are!” the Masked Muskrat called to his last remaining teammate. “Get ‘em! I’ll be with you as soon as I get this crap of my shoe.”

“That's Crapsack!” Gnudier Lokotowcz corrected him, rising up and headbutting the Defective Detective into unconsciousness. “My name is Crapsack!”

Privilege used another of her exception coins to take down Psi-Lance altering the laws of thermodynamics so Lance was flash-frozen in place. The effect would normally have killed him, but instead he was teleported away in a bright glimmer of energies.

“So, what now?” Privilege complained.

“All over bar the fun,” Lord and Master declared, stepping forward to look down at Teen Avenger.

“We’ve had this conversation before,” Denial warned the leader of Young Heckfire.

“Getting a little soft hearted aren’t we, Dan?” sneered Drugo Lodestone.

“Touch the girl and find out,” Danny Lyle suggested.

“We don’t have time for this testosterone crap,” snorted Black Princess. She pulled a stiletto dagger from her cleavage and stabbed each of the fallen heroes, once, in their hearts. As each would have been killed the contingencies of the Observing Eye’s safety systems pulled them away; not to be returned to base as was supposed to happen, but into some electronic holding pattern because the systems had been corrupted.

Ben Hermes woke up just in time to see Teen Avenger, the last of his team-mates, be stabbed and vanish. The pile of coins he’d gathered from the ruins chinked onto the ground as she disappeared. Semi-Transparent Lad had the choice between taking on the whole of Young Heckfire by himself or running for his life. He ran.

-------------------

As he ran, he tripped. He had tripped over something big. As he got up to see what it was, he wished he hadn't. What he had tipped over was the remains on two androgynous fraternal twins. Also there was an oddly colored animal near them, who for some reason was wearing the same uniform as the other two.

"Oh, great! I'm going to to be sick." Ben said as he ran off again.

As Ben Hermes continued to run as hard as he could through the heavy undergrowth, hiding when he heard something large coming, and trusting to his powers to conceal him as best he could. Too many things on the island had a good sense of smell though.

“Ok! I’m not panicking, I’m not panicking at all! This is time to not panic, Ben Hermes!” he told himself as he jogged through the jungle. “I’m the only one left of my group, who may or not be dead. So, it’s all down to me, no pressure! And I’m not panicking. I’m not…”

Then, Ben tripped over someone or something else. Ben sure hopes it's not another corpse. What it was confirmed when who he tripped over screamed. He then screamed, at almost the same pitch.

“Ok!” Semi-Transparent Lad called out, scrambling away on his backside. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Also please don’t kill me.”

The naked girl he had tripped over scrambled back also, she grabbed a sharp rock from the ground and was holding it like a knife until she could dive behind a clump of shrubbery. She was almost mumbling something in chinese or japanese, some asian language. Ben realized he’d seen her before, giggling at him at the formal ball yesterday.

“Hey! You’re one of those Giant Robot Six people?” he said.

The concealed female peered out, her face smudged with dirt and her eyes wide. She nodded cautiously.

“I’m Semi-Transparent Lad of the FMRC's C Class & if you don't mind me asking: what happened to your clothes?”

Teiko Yamasaki looked round in alarm to see if more soldiers were coming, but of course: Ben was alone.

“We were attacked,” she said at last in uncertain, broken English. “Bad people.”

“Yeah, us too,” agreed Ben. “They didn’t steal our underwear, did they?” He thought for a moment then pulled his shirt off and tossed it over to the girl. “If you want it,” he offered.

The Butterfly Twin grabbed it and hurriedly pulled it on. It looked big on her.

“Who attacked you?” Ben asked her. “Was it those Young Heckfire jerks?”

Tei-Chan nodded. “The one who leads them, he was going to do bad things to us. They search us all, and then…” She shuddered. “His touch, it makes one… He was going to… That is, he made us want to…”

“Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” Semi-Transparent Lad said.

“I do not know how we escaped. One minute we were affected by his touch, trembling with desire, with fear, and then the other one with the black jacket said ‘They are not here’, and my sister and I were in the forest.”

“Your twin? Where is she now?”

Teiko began weeping again. “The fear took over us and we fled apart. We are lost. She may be dead!” That thought made her weep even more.

Ben Hermes looked in horror as the scantily-dressed girl in front of him burst into hysterical tears. He really hadn’t thought the day could get any worse. But, of course it was going to.

-------------------

Later, Ben & Makiko were running. Not from Young Heckfire or any other the other teams: this time was from a pack of Octogorillas. Ben & the Butterfly Twin had apparently disturbed their nesting place. As Ben ran, he kept on yelling out the word "Yield" & getting no response.

During all this Ben had noticed that his running mate was not beside him & was being cornered by a few of the hairy primates. Makiko Yamasaki was pushed up against a rock face & was striking out with the branch she’d used as a staff, which was doing nothing. She cowered back and screamed. She hoped the big hairy primates would just eat her. The bull octogorilla roared back, hammering his chest. Then, the rock dropped down and bounced off his skull. That made him turn around to see a small man in a tree.

“Up here, you ugly ape!” Semi-Transparent Lad shouted, trying to sound tough.

As the Octogorilla ran off to get others, Ben called out "Maki-chan! Up here. Climb!"

But there was no way the exhausted Butterfly Girl of Giant Robot Six could make her way up the tree. Just then her twin sister vaulted gracefully over Ben Hermes and lowered her legs down the tree. “Hold on to me!” Tei-Chan told him, dangling her feet down so Makiko could catch onto them. The other twin then looked up to Ben & said “Now, pull us both.”

“Uh... Did I fail to mention that I don’t have super-strength?” STL warned them as he linked his arms around Teiko’s torso and pulled. A small pack of angry octorillas surged forward, maddened at losing their prey.

“Don’t drop us!” Tei-Chan shrieked as Ben staggered.

“I can’t… lift you both,” Ben warned as he continued to try.

Maki-Chan saved the moment. She lithely shinned up her sister’s body until she could clutch on to a strong branch, then swung herself round to clamber free. Ben dragged Teiko up just moments before the octorillas surged towords them. Maki-Chan stared at her sister and the strange American for a moment, then the Butterfly Twins fell into each others arms, chattering in Japanese. Ben was almost distracted enough by the half naked & completely naked Asian twins embracing each other that he didn’t spot the octorillas boosting one of their number up a cliffside which was directly across from them.

“Uh, maybe the this happy reunion can wait till later?” Ben suggested, as he & the twins leapt out of the tree to another cliff face.

-------------------

Later, after they had lost the Octogorillas for a few minutes...

Ben had to sacrifice his pants, or at least the pant legs. They’d gone to be use to wrap around the feet of the Cho Cho Futago, the Butterfly Twins he’d rescued. Ben found out that they could survive without other clothing (they were having to take turns with Ben’s shirt) but on the rough ground they were traversing the sole of their feet have been cut to shreds.

“I’m starting to feel more and more like Tarzan,” STL jokingly admitted as he helped the girls down a shale embankment into a fast-running stream. The octogorillas were still hunting them. They couldn’t be more than two minutes behind them. He tried to keep up the witty banter to help the twins along. At that moment, Ben wished he had now paid more attention in Hero Banter 101.

Teiko and Makiko were visibly lagging, their torn exhausted bodies struggling with every step. They wouldn’t last much longer.

“Come on, please,” Ben begged them. “Just a little bit further. Maybe under the waterfall, we can hide.”

“We are coming,” Tei-Chan promised him. “We are doing our best.”

"I know." Ben said & just then the lead octogorilla spotted the fugitives in the water.

Ben saw that & called out “Run!” but Maki-Chan tripped and splashed down into the shallows.

For the second time, in twenty-four hours, Ben Hermes had the opportunity to flee and abandon his companions. He didn’t feel like having to do the right thing any more now than then. “Get her up, Tei-Chan,” he called. “Help her. I’ll hold them off!” For maybe eight seconds before they rip my head off, but he didn’t add.

The Octogorillas leaped down towards him and then their fur caught fire. This surprised him, maybe this was an unknown power of his acting up? The terrified primates dived into the water, beating their fur, trying to put out the flames. But, the water around them bubbled and boiled, scalding them, sending them fleeing into the forest. Ben felt pretty cool that he did that until he saw two people came down towards him. He then knew he didn't set the apes on fire. Kerry Shepherdson and Danny Lyle emerged from the undergrowth to help the Butterfly Twins to safety.

“Hey, I’m the cool one!” Danny Lyle objected as he helped the trembling Semi-Transparent Lad to the shore. “How do you get two naked chicks and I only have one?”

“Ignore him,” Kerry advised the Cho Cho Futago. “He’s my problem.”

"What are you two doing here?" Ben said as he shivered.

"Well..." Kerry began.

TO BE CONCLUDED...


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